Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
