His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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