Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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