I want to make a zoo with you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
