Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I enjoy the company of your penis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
