i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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