...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
