dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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