I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
