We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
