how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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