just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
