your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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