Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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