She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
