Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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