You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
