i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
