The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
