I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
