as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
