Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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