i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
