"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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