I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
