Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
