id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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