So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
