ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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