guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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