can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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