i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
