Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
