I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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