you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
