she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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