Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
