you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
