You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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