Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize