I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
