I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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