today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
