If that was your dad, he is hot
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
