Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The air was thick with penises
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
