So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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