I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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