yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
