theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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