I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
