You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
