Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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