i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
