So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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