Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
