I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
