OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
