My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
