i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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