It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
