This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
