She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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