So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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