Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
