Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
